I heard a sermon a few years back that talked about "being in the camp", and suddenly taken right "out of the camp". The speaker's reference was talking about the camp of the Israelites. They were protected until they ran into adveristy and suddenly drawn out of the protection that God had provided for them. Bringing that down to modern day, how is it that your days can go well, and then all of sudden hearing adverse remarks, situations, etc. can take you right "out of the camp" in a split second.
So it was the other day at the Oncologist's office. Nothing serious yet, but all the conversation about the type of cancer I have, my blood markers for tumors was a bit high in July, surgery is still the best treatment, you may have a surgical hernia, see an opthmologist for my eyesight that has gotten worse since the last surgery, yada, yada, yada!
I walked out of the office, went to work and was completely "out of the camp", trying hard to get back in. My mind was taxed with thinking about another doctor's appointment. I still have not been able to work a full day, and my weariness is not getting any better, still get out of breath easy, etc. I told my husband that I felt like I was going backwards instead of forward.
Friday, my devotion was talking about facing the "Giants" in your life and running toward them, speaking the greatness of God. The scripture was about David fighting Goliath. (I Samuel 17: 32-37) I made the remark, "Oh I do not like this one this morning". I knew instantly I was going to need this and boy was I right!
My routine every week day is to come home from work and sleep for a two hours. I had fallen asleep and awoke to the phone ringing. It was my Oncologist. "Mrs. Rendulic, this is Dr. ........, your blood levels were extremely high this month and I am concerned. I want you to have the CT Scan right away. I do not beleive we can wait until November." When I asked how high the number was, He told me that it doubled since July. Great, that is not what I wanted to hear. I hung up, feeling once again, numb repeating the conversation over and over in my head. I have not recovered completely from the last near death surgery and I just do not want to think about another possible surgery. It had been a very dreary rainy day. I glanced out the window and I saw a bright rainbow. A rainbow was a symbol God gave Noah as a covenant between God and Noah and very living creature on the earth. (Genesis 9:15-17) I saw it as a symbol of promise and my covenant between God and me.
Am I fearful? Absolutely! I am human. I do not want you to ever think that because I walk with God and trust Him with all my heart, that I do not feel fear. I believe David did too when he ran right toward Goliath to fight the battle at hand. I have a battle at hand to fight. Even thou there is fear on every side, I will chose to trust in God to get me through once again. I might be shaking in my boots trying to shake off fear of what might lie ahead. But in my heart I trust God no matter what the outcome. That my friends is a hard statement to make.
Robert Schuller once said, "If you listen to your fears, you will die never knowing what a great person you might have been." The fears may come at me on every side, but I will fight everyone with the sword of His Word and my trust in Him.
No comments:
Post a Comment